A few short weeks ago I took a new lover. It’s been more than 30 days but less than 90 – as it corresponded with my taking a new job and I considered my chance meeting with him as a sign it was time to treat myself to something new and sinful. His name was Roomba. It all began at the check out counter, when he was sitting in my cart, looking up at me with that such masculinity and promise. Three different women commented to me about him before we even got in the car – “I LOVE my Roomba!” they cried to me. I was tickled, excited, could not wait to get him home, plug him in, and watch him work his magic.
And that he did. The next day, Roomba was spinning around my living room whilst I sat drinking coffee and reading the paper. He zipped about, gracefully sweeping up dirt out of every corner of my dog hair infested not-so-white carpet. His tone was so pleasurable as he hummed along – and I really thought we were meant to be together. Then out of nowhere, he stopped – and said, “UH OH” and with a female voice that does not suit him, “please inspect and clean Roomba’s brushes!”
“OH gladly!” I exclaimed, skipping all the way to the sink. From that moment forward, I was delighted to obey his every command as he asked me – with increasing frequency it seemed – to check and inspect his wheels, clean the brushes, empty the dustbin, and more. Each time I was overjoyed at doing so, as it was clear to me he was doing MY dirty work, and evidently it was pretty dirty with all the emptying he needed.
Roomba was so cute in those early days of our relationship. One time he mistakenly went out on the deck – one minute I heard him humming along and then I didn’t hear him so I went searching– “oh THERE you are…!” I giggled sheepishly. “Roomba you are so funny playing tricks on me! Ok I’ll clean your brushes again – lucky you are so cute.”
That was three weeks ago. Funny how times have changed. Since then, Roomba has gotten increasingly on my nerves. Like most relationships, what started out so fresh and exciting has turned to annoyance. Today, Roomba refused to clean a single room for more than 5 minutes before demanding I again inspect and clean his frigging brushes!
And then when I turned him over and looked inside, it was clear to me that Roomba could have stuffed a boat-load more of dirt in there before ever REALLY needing even a half-assed brush cleaning from me… I mean COME ON! When Roomba resorts to attention getting tricks like that it makes me not even care anymore. Crying wolf just makes me more callous to Roomba’s needs. And I’m frankly tiring of his escalating acting out behavior. My frustration is showing as now rather than jumping to his every beck and call, I tend to say hurtful things such as, “get over it Roomba – just clean the damn rug and stop your WHINING!”
So I guess I could just write Roomba off as another empty promise. I could call it a $279 life lesson and move on. But the thing is, I really don’t want to cut it off with Roomba because I know in my heart he has great potential to bring such joy to my life. The thing is, he needs to change. I know its never easy to change someone else – but perhaps because I’m a sucker or maybe an idealist, I do have some confidence that with a little help from me, he can do it. I’m going to scour the Internet now for articles and advise from others who may have been down this path who maybe… just maybe can help me.
What do I need to do? While it’s only been 30 days – do I need to already buy him some new brushes? Or maybe it’s the way I acted. I mean, I rode him pretty hard those first few weeks… and he does seem to have a little limp sometimes already. It would not be the first time I was told I have very high expectations. But I just thought we were going to really go places together. I was already talking about him to all of my family – I’d hate to go back now and explain this early breakup – one that could tarnish his reputation with others.
You see, once I find something I like, I tend to spread the word pretty well. And I was ready to do that for you Roomba. But Roomba, you have let me down. I’m going to give you just one more chance before I change from evangelist to naysayer. I’ll give you a fair trial and I do truly hope you can redeem yourself. Come on -- I’m rooting for you.
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